9 Ways To Reject A Guy Nicely Over Text - WikiHow

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• Dating
• Dealing with Unwanted Dates

20+ Kind Ways to Reject a Guy and Turn Him Down Download Article Smoothly turn down a date or hookup without bruising his ego Explore this Article IN THIS ARTICLE 1 Thank him, then say “no.” 2 Give him a compliment first to soften the blow. 3 Use "I" statements to protect his feelings. 4 Tell him you’re dating someone else. 5 Say you only see him as a friend. 6 Blame a lack of chemistry. 7 Tell him you aren't the right girl for him. 8 Explain that you're focusing on school or work. 9 Say that you aren't ready for a relationship. Ways to Reject Someone Over Text How Can You Tactfully Turn Down a Date with a Man over Text? + Show 8 more... - Show less... Other Sections Video Tips and Warnings Related Articles References Co-authored by Julianne Cantarella and Danielle Blinka, MA, MPA

Last Updated: April 22, 2025 Fact Checked

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This article was co-authored by Julianne Cantarella and by wikiHow staff writer, Danielle Blinka, MA, MPA. Julianne Cantarella is a Dating Coach, Certified Life Coach, Licensed Social Worker, and the CEO and President of New Jersey's Matchmaker. With over a decade of experience, she specializes in helping women heal from a heartbreak and create healthy long-term relationships. Julianne created a comprehensive transformational date coaching program From First Date to Soulmate™ that has helped hundreds of women find love. She holds a Bachelor of Social Work (BSW) from Ramapo College of New Jersey and a Master of Social Work (MSW) from Fordham University. Julianne has contributed to numerous media such as Your Tango Online Magazine, 24Seven Wellness Magazine, and Talk of The Town Magazine. She has also been featured as a relationship expert on CBS, iHeartRadio, and PBS “This Emotional Life Project.” There are 13 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page. This article has been fact-checked, ensuring the accuracy of any cited facts and confirming the authority of its sources. This article has been viewed 346,341 times.

It's such a bummer when a guy you don't like asks you out. You don't want to hurt his feelings, but you totally have to say "no." Don't stress because we can help! We’ve compiled the best ways to reject a guy nicely.

Ways to Reject a Guy Nicely

1. Keep it simple by thanking the guy politely and then telling him no.
2. Offer a compliment to help soften the rejection.
3. Prevent him from feeling as hurt by sharing "I" statements.
4. Let him know that you're dating someone else right now.
5. Explain that you don't see him in a romantic light.

Steps

1

Thank him, then say “no.”

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1. This is the easiest option and works for any situation. A simple "thank you" shows him you appreciate him. After you thank him, be direct and honest that you’re not interested in dating him. Keep your message short so he doesn’t get the wrong idea.[1] [2] Text something like:
   • “I’m really flattered, thank you! But tbh I’m not interested in a relationship.”
   • “Thank you for the invitation, but I'm not interested.”
   • "Thank you so much for asking! I really appreciate having you as a friend, but I'm not interested in dating."[3]
   • Reader Poll: We asked 511 wikiHow readers who’ve rejected a friend, and 68% of them agreed the best way to say you’re not interested is by being honest and straightforward, but gentle and kind. [Take Poll]
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2

Give him a compliment first to soften the blow.

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1. Starting on a positive note can help a lot.[4] Make him feel good about himself! Text him a kind compliment that comes from your heart. Then, explain that you just aren't interested in dating him.[5] You could might say:
   • “You’re handsome, smart, and a great singer, but I have to say no.”
   • “You’re hilarious and so fun to be around, but I don’t want to take our relationship past the friendship stage.”
   • "You have such great style, so anyone would be lucky to have you. However, I don't think a relationship is right for me."
   • "You're a really great person, but I don't think we're a match."[6]

3

Use "I" statements to protect his feelings.

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1. He's less likely to get offended if you start statements with "I." Go the "it's not you, it's me" route. In your response, focus on how you feel and why you aren't right for him. Don't mention his faults or why you aren't interested in him.[7] Try:
   • "I care about you a lot, but I'm not in a good place to start a relationship with you right now."
   • "I really like having you as a friend, but I don't feel comfortable going further than that."
   • "I have fun with you, but I don't think dating is the right choice for me right now."
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4

Tell him you’re dating someone else.

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1. This excuse is convenient if you want to let him down easy. Soften the blow with a little white lie. Act like you really care about the guy, then respectfully decline the date. Explain that you’re already seeing someone, and say it wouldn’t be fair for you to go out with him, too.[8] Try:
   • “I’m totally flattered, but I’ve been seeing someone else. It wouldn’t be kind of me to go out with you when I’m seeing him.”
   • “Hanging out with you is fun, but I’m already seeing someone. I hope you find the right person soon!”
   • "Normally, I'd say yes. But I'm already in a relationship right now, so I can only offer friendship."

5

Say you only see him as a friend.

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1. Let him know how much you value his friendship. Hopefully, this will help you stay friends! Reassure him that you like spending time with him, but only as a friend. Then, explain that your current relationship is all you can offer.[9] You could text:
   • “I really like hanging out with you, but I just see us as friends.”
   • “You're such a good friend that I can't risk losing you. Can we just stay friends?”
   • “We're so close that I think of you as a brother now. I hope you understand that we can't date.”
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6

Blame a lack of chemistry.

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1. This option works well for friends and acquaintances. Tell him you enjoy your friendship but aren’t attracted to him that way.[10] Say there just isn’t any spark, but you’re open to hanging out in the future as friends. Leave it at that.[11] Text back something like:
   • "I really like spending time with you, but I just don't feel a romantic spark."
   • "You're a great guy, but there's no chemistry between us. I think you'll find someone else who's a better match."[12]
   • "You're super fun, but I'm not getting romantic vibes. Can we keep our relationship as-is?"

7

Tell him you aren't the right girl for him.

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1. Try this if he seems especially sensitive to rejection. If the guy is very sensitive, you might be super worried about hurting him. To avoid this, take the focus off of him and put it on yourself. Then, encourage him to stop looking at you as the best partner for him. This is another form of the classic, “it’s not you, it’s me.”[13] You might say:
   • “You seem like a great guy, but I’m just not the right girl for you.”
   • “It’s kind of you to ask me out, but I’m just not the one for you.”
   • "You're an amazing guy who deserves someone amazing. Unfortunately, I don't think I'm the best match for you"
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8

Explain that you're focusing on school or work.

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1. Say you’re flattered but just don’t have time for romance. For instance, you might mention a class, personal goal, or project that’s taking up a lot of your time.[14] If you get into a relationship down the line and the guy asks about it, just say your schedule cleared up around the time the new person asked you out. Text something like:
   • "Dating isn’t even on my radar right now. I’m so busy with school. I just want to focus on my studies.”
   • "I wish I had time to date! Right now all of my time is consumed by school."
   • “It's nice of you to ask, but my job doesn’t leave time for dating right now. I’m working toward a promotion.”

9

Say that you aren't ready for a relationship.

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1. It's best to use this when it's true rather than as an excuse. Don’t worry about explaining why you don’t want to date. Just tell the person you’re not open to dating right now.[15] Keep in mind that he might have questions if you start dating someone else right after you tell him this. You could say:
   • “It's nice of you to ask, but I'm not interested in a relationship with anyone right now.”
   • “I’m too busy to get into a relationship right now, so I have to say no.”
   • "Right now I'm focusing on myself, so I'm not open to dating anyone."
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Ways to Reject Someone Over Text

Sample Ways to Reject Someone Over Text

How Can You Tactfully Turn Down a Date with a Man over Text?

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Tips

• Keep your text short and concise so it’s more direct. You don’t want him to misunderstand what you’re saying.[16] Thanks Helpful 1 Not Helpful 3
• Be clear about what you want instead of leading him on. It seems nice to say something like, “Maybe another time,” but it’s only nice if you mean that. Otherwise, he’s only going to be more upset when he finally realizes you aren’t interested.[17] Thanks Helpful 1 Not Helpful 1
• Don’t apologize because it's okay to reject someone. Apologizing might make him think it’s okay to keep asking.[18] Thanks Helpful 3 Not Helpful 0

Show More Tips Submit a Tip All tip submissions are carefully reviewed before being published Name Please provide your name and last initial Submit Thanks for submitting a tip for review! Advertisement

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References

1. ↑ https://hbr.org/2013/02/nine-practices-to-help-you-say
2. ↑ Julianne Cantarella. Dating & Relationship Coach. Expert Interview
3. ↑ Judith Gottesman, MSW. Matchmaker & Dating Coach. Expert Interview
4. ↑ Judith Gottesman, MSW. Matchmaker & Dating Coach. Expert Interview
5. ↑ https://www.educationsupport.org.uk/resources/for-individuals/guides/saying-no-advice-for-setting-boundaries/
6. ↑ Julianne Cantarella. Dating & Relationship Coach. Expert Interview
7. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/a-funny-bone-to-pick/202202/how-to-reject-someone-and-help-them-at-the-same-time
8. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/fulfillment-at-any-age/201605/6-ways-to-turn-someone-down-politely
9. ↑ https://positivepsychology.com/how-to-say-no/

More References (9)

10. ↑ Judith Gottesman, MSW. Matchmaker & Dating Coach. Expert Interview
11. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/lib/learning-to-say-no
12. ↑ Julianne Cantarella. Dating & Relationship Coach. Expert Interview
13. ↑ https://www.npr.org/2020/09/15/913207918/how-to-say-no-for-the-people-pleaser-who-always-says-yes
14. ↑ https://hbr.org/2016/01/how-to-say-no-to-things-you-want-to-do
15. ↑ https://hbr.org/2020/09/learn-when-to-say-no
16. ↑ https://www.edutopia.org/article/its-ok-say-no/
17. ↑ https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S038800010800003X
18. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/lib/learning-to-say-no

About This Article

Co-authored by: Julianne Cantarella Dating & Relationship Coach This article was co-authored by Julianne Cantarella and by wikiHow staff writer, Danielle Blinka, MA, MPA. Julianne Cantarella is a Dating Coach, Certified Life Coach, Licensed Social Worker, and the CEO and President of New Jersey's Matchmaker. With over a decade of experience, she specializes in helping women heal from a heartbreak and create healthy long-term relationships. Julianne created a comprehensive transformational date coaching program From First Date to Soulmate™ that has helped hundreds of women find love. She holds a Bachelor of Social Work (BSW) from Ramapo College of New Jersey and a Master of Social Work (MSW) from Fordham University. Julianne has contributed to numerous media such as Your Tango Online Magazine, 24Seven Wellness Magazine, and Talk of The Town Magazine. She has also been featured as a relationship expert on CBS, iHeartRadio, and PBS “This Emotional Life Project.” This article has been viewed 346,341 times. 70 votes - 82% Co-authors: 10 Updated: April 22, 2025 Views: 346,341 Categories: Dealing with Unwanted Dates In other languages Thai Spanish Turkish Indonesian Italian Portuguese Dutch French Vietnamese Hindi German Arabic Chinese Japanese Czech

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Yes No Did this article help you? Say thanks with a small tip. $1 $3 $5 Leave a Tip Support our mission to help everyone in the world learn how to do anything. Advertisement Cookies make wikiHow better. By continuing to use our site, you agree to our cookie policy. Co-authored by: Julianne Cantarella Dating & Relationship Coach Co-authors: 10 Updated: April 22, 2025 Views: 346,341 82% of readers found this article helpful. 70 votes - 82% Click a star to add your vote 82% of people told us that this article helped them.

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